I Can-sir

A little over a year ago I decided to train with the Penny Brohn Cancer Care which offers a certificate for complementary therapists working with people with cancer. This had been a long time dream but little did I know that at the same time as I sent my form for the certificate, I would hear news that my father had a brain tumour.

So the training helped me tremendously to cope with this ordeal. There were some tears, and some frustration… but a deep learning curve. For me, the hardest part was to feel hopeless and useless as my father did things his own way and wasn’t open to any of my suggestions: in fact I didn’t even try because I knew what the answer would be. And being a medical doctor and  a surgeon, this meant he was going purely for the traditional route. My learning curve was to be able to be there for him as a daughter and to respect his choices, however frustrating it was, and be there for him the way he wanted me to be. I admit to sending him distance reiki but this was not something I was broadcasted. I visited him as often as I could, which in my case, meant spending  a lot of time in planes and cars as we live in different countries. I brought my children with me to visit and after eight months of this, I nearly collapsed from exhaustion.  

His tumour was not cancerous but it was not operable either, which meant that if it continued to progress, he would end up in a wheelchair incapable of expressing himself. What most people don’t understand is that with brain tumours, both the cancerous and non cancerous are life threatening because the skull can only contain so much and if it is not operable… the inevitable could happen. He underwent chemotherapy but the doctors told him that he wouldn’t see any improvement before at least six months. When the tumour started to show signs of shrinking after only two months, I thought that reiki was a wonderful thing. I should have kept it to myself as when I shared this with my father, he replied curtly that he gave all the credit to his doctors.

When the doctors told him his tumour had reduced by 30% and that was all he could expected to achieve, he felt elated. I felt disappointed. I knew that this words would be gospel to him and his recovery was halted at that point with those very words. I am happy however that he is now cheerful, talkative and much more lively than he was before.

I have learnt so much in this journey. Probably the most important thing was to respect his choices and be there for him the way he wanted me to. This is what I learnt at the Penny Brohn Cancer care. Before that, I would have felt awkward and would either have pretended to be cheerful when I wasn’t, or would have gone out of the way so that he could have some peace and quiet. But the reality of people living with life threatening illnesses is that they don’t want people to let them get on with it. And they want their loved ones to support them the way they chose. This was my big lesson. I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to grow in this way.

Along the way, I had to do two case studies and after much search and contacts, two ladies from Bosom Buddies volunteered. Before I trained with the Penny Brohn Cancer Care, I would have never thought I had anything to offer to help people living with cancer. The Penn Brohn Cancer Care showed me I was wrong. Complementary therapies, especially reiki and hypnotherapy, can make a real difference to the lives of people living with cancer and so does nutrition (and I have a great interest in that too). Going through the diagnosis of cancer and treatment is sometimes one of the worst part of the journey. Very often, the way you are told you have cancer and how you are treated in hospital makes you think that life has turned into a nightmare. Plus friends and family can have really bizarre reactions that add to the hurt and the pain. Life threatening illnesses trigger people’s buttons and it is very rare for a person living with cancer to have continued ongoing support from friends and family. Most of the time, friends and family act weirdly in times where support is needed more than ever.

The reason for this is that we each struggle with death and illness. Death is a big taboo. And cancer conjures up images of dying, of our own limits. Too many people live in denial when someone around them is diagnosed. But what I also learn is that every person is alive until their very last breaths. And it is paramount to be congruent: to accept the fears, the pain, the joys… the challenges without the masks. To be able to hear everything someone has to say. And if that is not possible, to get the help that you can to be able to cope. Carers and partners need as much support as people living with cancer and Penny Brohn Cancer Care is a wonderful centre that offers just that, with an emphasis on complementary therapies. The word complementary therapies is a carefully chosen words: the spirit of the Penny Brohn Cancer Care is that complementary therapists work hand in hand with doctors.

I was reminded of all this as I was taken into a meditation by a lady I admire greatly who asked us to imagine that we had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and to think of what we would do if we had only one day to live. Where would we go? Who would we be with? What would we do? Because I was still raw from all this tumble about my father’s illness, I thought her meditation was “cruel”. But now, I can see the beauty in its sharpness. The diamond in disguise: if you had only a few days or months to live, what would you be doing? What would your priorities be? It helps to keep a really sharp angle on what life you want to live.

People who are diagnosed with cancer often have to do this in a very painful way. But wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could live every day with our priorities in the right order: as if it was our last day! I know that nowadays, I live more and more this way. My priorities would not change much if I was told tomorrow that I had only days to live.

So why not try this meditation? I know it’s not for the faint of heart. I remember having tears welling up in my eyes about my children… but it helps us keep sight of what is most important in life. What really matters.

With love and light

Anges, Soul Awakener

PS: the Penny Brohn Cancer Care offers retreats for people living with cancer, workshops, it has a wonderful shop and restaurant and is set in beautiful surroundings with a meditation garden… financial help can be granted to attend the workshops and retreats