Talk to a stranger

This morning I attended a service in my village Church for the leavers of the primary school that my daughter was attending for her last day. I was early, so I went in the Church and got some work out and got busy. There were already a few mums there chatting away happily.

The Church got more and more busy and a lady whose face was very familiar to me sat next to me. For a brief moment, I looked up from my papers, smiled and went back in. I really thought things would not progress from there. And to be frank, my expectations are very low from the mothers in the village because I have now lived since December 2003 and not made a single friend. It could be me, or it could be them. It have certainly thought about the whys of this for a long time but never came to a satisfactory conclusion except that maybe it was due to the fact I was not from “here”.

What you need to know is that I am an immigrant and to make matters “worse”, I moved to this village half way through the reception year (first year of school in English primary school) and I supposed that most friendships had already been established by then. In fact, since having my third child four years ago and him going to the most established child minder in the village, I have learnt that friendships and link are started way before those little angels start primary school. Mums often have been to the same ante-natal classes, perhaps they were local as well so they know people from when they were children. Their kids then go to pre-school so by the time the children start primary school, things are already decided.

And so, me and my elder two children had to fight to make our own space in this close knit community. In fact, both my elder children have struggled to make friends all along and my heart was very heavy at witnessing their loneliness. Why did they have to live the same existence that I did? Don’t get me wrong, I have the most delightful friends. I am not a loner, but my friends often decide to move to the other side of the world shortly after we meet (and we keep in touch regardless) or they live far away (at least in terms of mother’s miles because once you start having children it’s hard to keep seeing friends if they are not local).

When I was still very brave and new to the village, I joined the local ladies club but I soon found out that no one wanted to talk to me so after about a year, I dropped out, a bit disheartened. I remember that my pew neighbour was one of the ladies who attended the ladies club.

To go back to the lady in Church, to my astonishment, she asked me what I was doing. Probably a remark in passing. And a conversation started. A lovely conversation I must say and I shared about my passions and what I do. And it was even sprinkled with bits of philosphy (you know me, I can’t do just small talk) about how our beliefs shape our lives. She told me that she was really enjoying our conversation and found it fascinating and she wished she had talked to me before.

I looked a little surprised so she explained: “I thought you were completely French”. I had to repress a smile and a question there but she quickly added “I didn’t think you could speak English and that we could communicate”. She was really remorseful and could see how silly she had been all these years and her explanation almost made me feel better. It wasn’t me, as such, it was what I represented: the unknown, the foreign, the difference. And she was able to see very quickly that her fears were unfounded and that she actually really enjoyed my company. I could feel sad about it, and she did say she had regrets but I replied that we still had years ahead of us (as I found out she had a younger girl that still had two years to go in the village school). I have no doubt that after the summer holidays we will be a lot friendlier. I don’t know if this is going to develop into a great inseparable friendship but I have been wishing for a friend in the village as it is so important sometimes to have someone close for a bit of help too. My child minder is a friend now and she is amazing but sometimes it is easier to have a mum friend at hand for lifts, or go to coffee after dropping the kids for a bit of comfort.

I am looking forward to talking to this lady again, after the summer holiday. And I admire her bravery for finally having the courage to talk to me. Maybe I wasn’t so much of a stranger after she saw my face for seven years in the playground. So can I invite you today to talk to a stranger. Talk to someone you would not normally talk. Step out of your comfort zone and reach out to someone who looks lonely or who doesn’t know anyone in your circle.

You will make their day.

To your happiness and well being

Anges de Lumiere

Soul awakener

Driving as spiritual practice

Recently on Facebook a friend of mine asked on her very popular page “what was a turning point on your spiritual journey” and although I can find largely more than one, it reminded me that a lot of my turning points happened whilst driving – no pun intended (but isn’t it a good one).

I had my first driving lesson in the middle of the south bank of Paris at the tender age of 18. Now that is a frightening experience especially when you are supposed to squeeze out of a tiny parking space. And most Parisians, as some of you might have experienced whilst visiting are quite hot tempered when it comes to driving. A lot of swearing and beeping goes on but no real violence. Road rage is a lot less frequent than in the UK, for example, as people expect as a matter of routine to get tiny bumps and dents on their cars as part of the driving experience. We often laugh about this with my English partner because we think nothing of touching lightly another car whilst parking whereas here in the UK, it’s almost a deadly sin.

Anyway to go back to my spiritual turning points, my very first one happened after I had a very seriously traumatic experience in my private life (I won’t talk about it here because it would distract from the focus of this email) that left me feeling very vulnerable. I wasn’t depressed but I would often walk the streets of Paris with tears streaming down my face and eating was very difficult. And when I was strong enough to go back to work, I started using that time of solitude away from my young son and husband (I was then a full time working mum of a single child of three) to listen to lectures in my car. I had a cassette player (gosh, isn’t that a pointer to a time long gone now) in my car and I would pop a cassette in when I closed the door of my car and I made the most of my driving time to work by listening to really inspiring stuff. One particular tape captures my memory: the dark night of the soul by Caroline Myss. But there was also some wonderful lectures by Thich Nhat Hanh. And so I never again, since then, experiences annoyance or impatience in my car because I used the time that I was stuck in traffic for my own enlightenment. It has stayed with me even to this day. When you think of how many people actually hate driving to work and resent the traffic, think about how much better they could use their time, especially now that there are so many books on CD. Back then, we are talking here over ten years ago, the books on tape and lectures were far and between and I actually ordered them straight from the US either on Amazon or directly from the Sounds True catalogue. My point really is that we can always utilise “dead” space for our own embetterment.

And then the next big turning point on my spiritual journey in my car, was on a quiet grey morning driving down the A38 (the main road that goes down from where I live to Bristol) a few months after my first reiki one attunement. The reiki 1 workshop was definitely a turning point too but again, I want to keep to my theme here so if you want to learn about it, mention it in the comments to this post please.

I was driving down the a 38, feeling quite happy even humming in my car as I also love to listen to music in my car uninterrupted. It wasn’t rush time. The road was almost empty apart from me. And suddenly, a feeling of doom descended upon me and I just couldn’t shake it off. I felt awful. And that is really not like me. Most of my friends would tell you I have a sunny disposition. And then I saw the car in my rear mirror. I think it was a small white car, maybe an AX or something similar. I stopped at the orange traffic lights in front of me and the car behind me went manic over it. Not only did they start to beep furiously (quite unusual in this country) but on top of it, the woman who was driving the car took the trouble to drive to my right, open her window (she had a passenger) and vomit some insults at me for not going through the orange light. I stayed very calm and ignored her, which triggered another spout of insults and she zoomed away as soon as the lights turned orange again leaving a trail of noise and fury behind her. I was totally gobsmacked and dumbed. But what dawned on me as she drove away down the A38 is that the feeling of doom and gloom that has suddenly assaulted me from  behind for no “logical reason” had left me as suddenly as it had appeared in the first place. And then I was able to understand what had really happened: I had picked up on this lady’s super negative energy (I don’t think I can find  word strong enough to describe how negative she was without tipping into religious vocabulary) more than 200 yards before she appeared on my radar (literally and figuratively). What an amazing experience. I immediately prayed for her as I felt really sorry for her. How mixed must someone be to be so furious about a traffic light?

The next turning point happened at the same spot… life has a way at sprinkling signs for you when you are willing to notice them. A man was driving a car that suddenly turned left without using his indicator. My practice at not swearing at other drivers was not yet perfected and normally I would have started mumbling to myself “what an idiot” “do blinkers come as options on your model”, that sort of things. But unusually, I just thought the following: “hey man, do take care of yourself or your are going to get hurt or hurt someone, use that blinker, please” or thoughts to that effect. It so happens that at the following traffic light (there tends to be a lot on the road these days), the guy was turning left AND he used his blinker. My brain went into delta mode for a second as I realised what this really meant: not only that I had taken another shift in my spiritual practice as a driver (i.e. not insuling but really caring about other people’s safety) but also that my prayer had the desired effect (he actually used his indicator, which was highly unlikely given his previous reckless behaviour).

More turning points… I blogged in January about causing the first accident in my life. I guess there has to be a first for everything and as much as I would hope that my impeccable spiritual behaviour would spare me the shame of being responsible for a car accident, it didn’t. It’s a bit like thinking that because you are a vegetarian, the angry bull that faces you in that field on a hot summer day is not going to charge. It was dark, I was ill (fever) with a small child at the back. I was tired and all I wanted to do was be in bed. But, as the semi-single mother that I am (I have two children from a previous marriage and am still responsible for a lot of the child management in my household), I had no choice. Bed wasn’t an option. I had to pick my daughter from the afterschool club in the village. So what I consider the inevitable happened: I scrapped the whole of my left side against someone who was parked (the roads in my village are not lit and the car was black) with an astounding noise. My little boy at the back got really upset and started crying and I thought “God, No” (the reality sounded more like shit which I use very sparingly). What followed took me totally by surprise. A lady came out of the house near the car that I damaged and she walked towards me and my son opened armed. And she said “Oh I heard this noise, are you OK?”. I knew then that she had a link to the car I had damaged so I mentioned the fact that I was sorry but she wouldnt hear anything about it. All that mattered to her was to make sure me and my son were OK. Pretty unusual, right? I have more.

Last week, I went to have a cup of coffee with a friend of mine in town and parked my car on the high street. When I came back, I saw a bit of paper tucked into my door. At first I squinted at it not knowing what it was and wondering if it was a secret admirer or something, only to find out that a man had damaged my car and left his details with a note of apology on the back of a pack of paracetamol. The mere fact he used a box of paracetamol was enough to make me smile and instead of being upset about the accident, I felt elated. Why? Because as most people will have experienced, and it happened to me at least three times in the past four years, people who damage a parked car don’t usually bother to leave their details if the owner of the car is not in sight. When I drove my car to the body repair shop today to get a quote, the guy said he sees hundreds of cars with similar damage in the same circumstances and he said these kinds of ocurences are really really rare: less than one in a hundred. I have to report that I am delighted to be part of the 1% of that population.

So what’s different? I can’t help thinking that there is a thread here. That it is no coincidence that from the girl who used to swear and judge and insult people (albeit in her mind and sometimes under her breath) I have moved to a pretty zen driver. And I can’t help noticing that back in January, I didn’t duck out of my responsibilities as a driver despite the fact that I am more skint now than ever before and it was very tempting indeed to just drive off into the sunshine. So could it be karma?

Most people realise that the law of karma: action is always followed by a consequence, doesnt’ work immediately and sometimes can take twists and turns. So they cheat on their employer, perhaps steeling a ram of paper to print stuff at home, but then they don’t make the link with the fact that they don’t get a pay rise or their partner cheats on them. Karma works like that. And karma also doesn’t work as fast depending on how mature you are spiritually. What I mean is that the more mature you are, the quicker karma will either bite at you or reward you. And in a similar fashion, the more childish you are spiritually, the longer it takes for the boomerang to get back to you so you really don’t see any link. And there is no point in you seeing one because it’s way beyond your understanding.

I didn’t mean to go on for that long today but can I perhaps suggest that you use driving as your own spiritual practice? Especially if you lead a very busy life (I used to be a full time working single mum with two young children so basically my car time was the only free time I had), why not use the little space and time you have for good effect, especially if you don’t have the time to go away on a retreat in Spain or on that meditation week-end. There is no need for that. Life is full of opportunities to grow.

The best to your spiritual growth

With love and light

Anges de Lumiere

A positive magnet

A few weeks ago, I reached out in my library for a book that I bought ages ago and had not managed to get past page two. I could post it as a book blog but instead I have chosen to blog on this page because I want to speak more about what this book has revealed in my life.

There is no mystery for me about the fact that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And this book is an illustration of that principle. It had been sitting on my shelves for years and suddenly I was ready to take it in. The law of attraction is talked about by many people in the “new age” field and perhaps that’s the reason why I had discarded the book in the first place. It is written in a style that can be off putting. The author says she channels a group of wiser entities that are collectively called Abraham. I don’t know about you but for me, initially, that set alarm bells ringing very loud. It nearly put me off the book. However, I have watched a series of little video clips of her channeling sessions on you tube and I was so impressed with the quality of the message but more importantly of how in tune they were with my deepest beliefs that I decided it was time to revisit the book.

And so I embarked on a treatise of how the law of attraction works. It is extra simple. First you ask, second the Universe responds (to your request), third, you allow the Universe to deliver the gift you asked for. The first step is seemingly obvious and easy. But what we mortals usually misunderstand is that the law of attraction will bring to us everything we think of often enough. And this means that if we keep on worrying, we bring onto us the very thing we worry about. I have a first hand experience of this from years ago. From the day I dated my ex-husband, I was worried about him being unfaithful. I had seen so many stories of betrayal both in my family circle but in literature, films, etc, that this was a very deeply engrained fear. And guess what, I did such a good job of worrying about it… that it happened. Not as I expected it because I was the culprit, and believe that took me by complete surprise. But that’s another story all together. Just to say,  the law of attraction works…

Don’t let that make you panic about every thought you have, it’s only the thoughts you think about often enough. And contrary to popular belief, you can control your habitual thoughts. When one pops up in your head, cancel it or decide not to give it too much mileage. If you constantly think about not being late for an appointment, guess what: you increase the chances of being late. Here is how I make it work for me: if I am a bit on the late side of things to get to an appointment, I ask the Universe to rearrange things so that I get there in time, not on time. What happens next is that either (i) I take less time to get to destination than I thought I would, or (ii) the person I have an appointment with is late or (iii) if I need some extra time, the person actually cancels the appointment and I am left with some lovely time to play with.

If you are not convinced and just want to try first with something small like a space to park… try that. Something small can be good to build your attraction muscles.

Step 2: the Universe delivers to you what you have asked for. You can’t control the timing but the better you get at this “game” the quicker it happens and the more miraculous the result. That is, of course, if you have asked for what you want in step 1. Otherwise, you might just think you are cursed.

Step 3: you have to allow the Universe to deliver to you what it is that you have asked for. This is harder than most people think and that’s where usually things go wrong. Most of us, particularly myself, are so pro-active, so driven and so used to working hard to get what they want, that they ask but just to make sure they also start taking steps in all directions and try to MAKE things happen. You have to have faith behind your request, otherwise it doesn’t work. So ask, and forget you have asked, and expect it to turn up. There is one small caveat, however, you can only ask for yourself. No messing about with other people’s lives. They have to make their own orders. Why? because they need the passion and belief behind their request and if you do it for them… well it isn’t there, really, is it? The other little caveat is that you have to understand that it is OK to ask and that you are not going to take anything away from someone who needs it more than you. The Universe is ever expanding. Think about it, you don’t refrain from ordering a computer on the pretense that someone else might need it more than you. Well, with your orders from the Universe, it is the same. Don’t be silly.

I hope this little blog has inspired you to become a positive magnet. What are you waiting for to start a brand new fresh wish list?

With love and light

Anges de Lumiere