Recently on Facebook a friend of mine asked on her very popular page “what was a turning point on your spiritual journey” and although I can find largely more than one, it reminded me that a lot of my turning points happened whilst driving – no pun intended (but isn’t it a good one).
I had my first driving lesson in the middle of the south bank of Paris at the tender age of 18. Now that is a frightening experience especially when you are supposed to squeeze out of a tiny parking space. And most Parisians, as some of you might have experienced whilst visiting are quite hot tempered when it comes to driving. A lot of swearing and beeping goes on but no real violence. Road rage is a lot less frequent than in the UK, for example, as people expect as a matter of routine to get tiny bumps and dents on their cars as part of the driving experience. We often laugh about this with my English partner because we think nothing of touching lightly another car whilst parking whereas here in the UK, it’s almost a deadly sin.
Anyway to go back to my spiritual turning points, my very first one happened after I had a very seriously traumatic experience in my private life (I won’t talk about it here because it would distract from the focus of this email) that left me feeling very vulnerable. I wasn’t depressed but I would often walk the streets of Paris with tears streaming down my face and eating was very difficult. And when I was strong enough to go back to work, I started using that time of solitude away from my young son and husband (I was then a full time working mum of a single child of three) to listen to lectures in my car. I had a cassette player (gosh, isn’t that a pointer to a time long gone now) in my car and I would pop a cassette in when I closed the door of my car and I made the most of my driving time to work by listening to really inspiring stuff. One particular tape captures my memory: the dark night of the soul by Caroline Myss. But there was also some wonderful lectures by Thich Nhat Hanh. And so I never again, since then, experiences annoyance or impatience in my car because I used the time that I was stuck in traffic for my own enlightenment. It has stayed with me even to this day. When you think of how many people actually hate driving to work and resent the traffic, think about how much better they could use their time, especially now that there are so many books on CD. Back then, we are talking here over ten years ago, the books on tape and lectures were far and between and I actually ordered them straight from the US either on Amazon or directly from the Sounds True catalogue. My point really is that we can always utilise “dead” space for our own embetterment.
And then the next big turning point on my spiritual journey in my car, was on a quiet grey morning driving down the A38 (the main road that goes down from where I live to Bristol) a few months after my first reiki one attunement. The reiki 1 workshop was definitely a turning point too but again, I want to keep to my theme here so if you want to learn about it, mention it in the comments to this post please.
I was driving down the a 38, feeling quite happy even humming in my car as I also love to listen to music in my car uninterrupted. It wasn’t rush time. The road was almost empty apart from me. And suddenly, a feeling of doom descended upon me and I just couldn’t shake it off. I felt awful. And that is really not like me. Most of my friends would tell you I have a sunny disposition. And then I saw the car in my rear mirror. I think it was a small white car, maybe an AX or something similar. I stopped at the orange traffic lights in front of me and the car behind me went manic over it. Not only did they start to beep furiously (quite unusual in this country) but on top of it, the woman who was driving the car took the trouble to drive to my right, open her window (she had a passenger) and vomit some insults at me for not going through the orange light. I stayed very calm and ignored her, which triggered another spout of insults and she zoomed away as soon as the lights turned orange again leaving a trail of noise and fury behind her. I was totally gobsmacked and dumbed. But what dawned on me as she drove away down the A38 is that the feeling of doom and gloom that has suddenly assaulted me from behind for no “logical reason” had left me as suddenly as it had appeared in the first place. And then I was able to understand what had really happened: I had picked up on this lady’s super negative energy (I don’t think I can find word strong enough to describe how negative she was without tipping into religious vocabulary) more than 200 yards before she appeared on my radar (literally and figuratively). What an amazing experience. I immediately prayed for her as I felt really sorry for her. How mixed must someone be to be so furious about a traffic light?
The next turning point happened at the same spot… life has a way at sprinkling signs for you when you are willing to notice them. A man was driving a car that suddenly turned left without using his indicator. My practice at not swearing at other drivers was not yet perfected and normally I would have started mumbling to myself “what an idiot” “do blinkers come as options on your model”, that sort of things. But unusually, I just thought the following: “hey man, do take care of yourself or your are going to get hurt or hurt someone, use that blinker, please” or thoughts to that effect. It so happens that at the following traffic light (there tends to be a lot on the road these days), the guy was turning left AND he used his blinker. My brain went into delta mode for a second as I realised what this really meant: not only that I had taken another shift in my spiritual practice as a driver (i.e. not insuling but really caring about other people’s safety) but also that my prayer had the desired effect (he actually used his indicator, which was highly unlikely given his previous reckless behaviour).
More turning points… I blogged in January about causing the first accident in my life. I guess there has to be a first for everything and as much as I would hope that my impeccable spiritual behaviour would spare me the shame of being responsible for a car accident, it didn’t. It’s a bit like thinking that because you are a vegetarian, the angry bull that faces you in that field on a hot summer day is not going to charge. It was dark, I was ill (fever) with a small child at the back. I was tired and all I wanted to do was be in bed. But, as the semi-single mother that I am (I have two children from a previous marriage and am still responsible for a lot of the child management in my household), I had no choice. Bed wasn’t an option. I had to pick my daughter from the afterschool club in the village. So what I consider the inevitable happened: I scrapped the whole of my left side against someone who was parked (the roads in my village are not lit and the car was black) with an astounding noise. My little boy at the back got really upset and started crying and I thought “God, No” (the reality sounded more like shit which I use very sparingly). What followed took me totally by surprise. A lady came out of the house near the car that I damaged and she walked towards me and my son opened armed. And she said “Oh I heard this noise, are you OK?”. I knew then that she had a link to the car I had damaged so I mentioned the fact that I was sorry but she wouldnt hear anything about it. All that mattered to her was to make sure me and my son were OK. Pretty unusual, right? I have more.
Last week, I went to have a cup of coffee with a friend of mine in town and parked my car on the high street. When I came back, I saw a bit of paper tucked into my door. At first I squinted at it not knowing what it was and wondering if it was a secret admirer or something, only to find out that a man had damaged my car and left his details with a note of apology on the back of a pack of paracetamol. The mere fact he used a box of paracetamol was enough to make me smile and instead of being upset about the accident, I felt elated. Why? Because as most people will have experienced, and it happened to me at least three times in the past four years, people who damage a parked car don’t usually bother to leave their details if the owner of the car is not in sight. When I drove my car to the body repair shop today to get a quote, the guy said he sees hundreds of cars with similar damage in the same circumstances and he said these kinds of ocurences are really really rare: less than one in a hundred. I have to report that I am delighted to be part of the 1% of that population.
So what’s different? I can’t help thinking that there is a thread here. That it is no coincidence that from the girl who used to swear and judge and insult people (albeit in her mind and sometimes under her breath) I have moved to a pretty zen driver. And I can’t help noticing that back in January, I didn’t duck out of my responsibilities as a driver despite the fact that I am more skint now than ever before and it was very tempting indeed to just drive off into the sunshine. So could it be karma?
Most people realise that the law of karma: action is always followed by a consequence, doesnt’ work immediately and sometimes can take twists and turns. So they cheat on their employer, perhaps steeling a ram of paper to print stuff at home, but then they don’t make the link with the fact that they don’t get a pay rise or their partner cheats on them. Karma works like that. And karma also doesn’t work as fast depending on how mature you are spiritually. What I mean is that the more mature you are, the quicker karma will either bite at you or reward you. And in a similar fashion, the more childish you are spiritually, the longer it takes for the boomerang to get back to you so you really don’t see any link. And there is no point in you seeing one because it’s way beyond your understanding.
I didn’t mean to go on for that long today but can I perhaps suggest that you use driving as your own spiritual practice? Especially if you lead a very busy life (I used to be a full time working single mum with two young children so basically my car time was the only free time I had), why not use the little space and time you have for good effect, especially if you don’t have the time to go away on a retreat in Spain or on that meditation week-end. There is no need for that. Life is full of opportunities to grow.
The best to your spiritual growth
With love and light
Anges de Lumiere
