The children don’t mind

Yesterday I was enjoying another day out with my sweetheart and my children. We went to Bowood, a beautiful park that epitomises the beauty of the English countryside with long stretches of green grass, ancient trees and a path leading to a folly sat by a lovely lake. But before we walked around that amazingly beautiful land, we took our younger two to the play area and this is where the magic started.

My son wanted to go on a trampoline, so we approached one of the two, leisurely. Three children were waiting on the side of it whilst one of them was playing and as soon as we approached them, they let us know that this trampoline was for over seven years old and my son is very clearly under that age. They very nicely indicated to us that there was another trampoline further down for under sevens. I thanked them with a huge smile and they seemed pleased with that. I was already marvelling at how together these children were to first organise themselves so that everyone had their turn and to offer helpful information to us in such a nice way. I am reading at the moment a book called the Vortex by Esther Hicks and have reached a place in the book where she explains that if children were left to their own device, they would sort things out naturally, as long as no adult with a negative vibe was tagging along. That chapter sounded quite fascinating and subconsciously I think I was already testing it in real life in that play area. What happened next was truly fascinating.

I must tell you first that I absolutely love children. What I find hard to deal with is more the parents, as they very often have huge issues that they project onto their children. Most teachers could probably tell you that, but I am not in a teaching position. In fact, at this point in my life, I am not very often in contact with groups of children other than in playgrounds. I have noticed however that when they reach school age, some of that beautiful innocence and pure love gets tainted, probably through learning from their environment or adults who are not aligned.

So junior and I headed for the younger trampoline and there was a couple of boys playing there with a lady who appeared to be a grand mother and a father sat on the grass, reading a book. The trampoline was buried in the ground so that you could just jump onto it from the grass.

We tagged along and junior took his turn and everything was going well. Grand-ma was counting the turns. She very quickly explained to me that a member of staff had come to explain that it was not safe for children to be playing more than one at a time (and I suddenly noticed that there was a huge sign explaining that by the side of the trampoline) and she also explained that they had suggested to her that she counted to ten so each child had a fair amount of the time on the trampoline. We were happy to tag along. On occasions, one of them had to be reminded of the queue system and that if they wanted to have their turn, they had to remain in the queue. I could feel that Grand-ma was getting a bit tired as she mentioned that she had been counting now for over two hours and hinted she could do with a break.

I offered to count and an hour and a half went by with me hardly noticing. At any point in time, there was from three to sometimes up to ten children who wanted to play on the trampoline. To add a bit of interest to the counting I started counting in French occasionally but showing my fingers to the children as they jumped so they knew how long they had and where they stood. I think they loved the clarity and the organisation because they could each see how it was fair and how each one could have their turn. And it really reminded me how, structure is so important for children and how they actually strive within clear boundaries as long as those boundaries are not rigid.

Since I was stuck with the counting I started making a game out of the counting and also offered to count in Spanish. Each child was offered the choice of having his turn counted in English, French or Spanish. It brought a playfulness to it and I could see a couple of children whose face litterally lit up because they not only enjoyed the jumping but also the excitment of hearing something different. I was having a great time too, teasing them, gently reminding them to stay in the middle to keep safe. The little boys were quite boysterous but all of them were so lovely as I expected them to be. At no moment, did I have any doubt that they would understand the rules and join in to benefit from their turn. It was all so fair to them.

What really took me by surprise, but then again no, is how some parents got hot under the collar about it. Most of them could see that this was working beautifully but two or three women got really upset when I explained to their child that they had to take their turns and some even walked away with angry looks. Grand-ma commented about it and how it made her feel self conscious but I told her that it was more their problem than ours. Grand-ma was good at explaining to the parents that this system enabled each child to safely jump and to have their turn. Kids did not have to be explained much, they got it right away. It’s the parents who had the stronger resistance.

I marvelled at how occasionally if a child got impatient and stepped out of the queue, sometimes the other children would naturally allow him or her back in because they knew how hard it is sometimes to wait for your turn. I was really impressed by them. I also loved the connection we made individually, each of these children and me, as I taylored the counting to their wishes and looked straight into their eyes, gently encouraging or praising them and making sure they were safe. It reminded me how I had loved being a camp youth worker (I don’t know if the word is correct) when I was in my late teens, working with children.

And then one of the children in the queue asked if I could count in Finnish, and yes I could but I would need a little help from him because it had been a long time since I did and so we did it. It was a really boysterous little boy of perhaps seven who had come with two of his mates and I had a fleeting thought when they joined of not being too sure if they were going to play the rules, but they did and he was so extatic that I could count in Finnish that it sealed our deal, so to speak, and he totally enjoyed the process. He kept on telling his mates “hey this is Finnish, it’s my language”, in his perfect English and it made me want to learn to count in other languages like German, Russian and maybe more so that more bonding could take place between me and those children. As I myself, am raising bilingual children, I could see how important it is for each child to be acknowledged for his “differences” and how with a little effort, you can go a long way to bond with a child.

There was also a little boy who initially said he hated Spanish and he wanted English because he was English. On his seventh or so turn on the trampoline I teased him by saying “boring” when he requested English and he laughed at me. Half an hour down the line, he asked me to count in Spanish for him and we had a good laugh. With something as simple as a little playfulness, his “hate” of Spanish had vanished and I was so so enjoying myself bonding with these children. New ones would usually stare at me, especially if I counted in Spanish or French. It was just such a marvellous, spontaneous bit of fun but also a life illustration of the principles that I read in my book. If children are surrounded by adults who are in alignment with their vibration, they will naturally behave well. If they feel that we respect them and honour their differences, they return the favour back a hundred fold.

Children are my life. Not only my own, although motherhood has truly been the most spiritually transforming experience in my life, but also other children. They are truly magnificent and need to be respected and honoured. It is down to us adults to have positive expectations of them and to shine that vibe from the inside out. They can pick up on those vibes and if we do this, they naturally act with more ease and more love.

With love and light

Anges de Lumiere, Soul Awakener