I have vowed to keep an open mind though, so I browsed his page and was surprised to see fairly uplifting comments on his account, not at all the dark energy I had expected. And then it made me think about the myth of Lucifer. Lucifer was supposed to be one of God’s most fervent angels. The most devoted one. And the name itself means Light Bearer. Quite a conendrum in itself. But most people associate Lucifer with the devil, despite the fact there is no mention of this association in the Bible.

The mere concept that God could exclude an angel from heaven is laugheable to me because God is pure love. Us humans, through our religions, have made God in our image and as such totally perverted the totally mind blowing loving force that God is. God is just pure love. A love of a kind that is unconceivable for us mortals.

So Lucifer is a provoker. He makes us look at our own darkness. A light bearer and even refers also to morning star. Quite not what I expected.

Most of my friends, and one in particular, have accused me of seeing life with rose tainted glasses. And for a long time I refused to believe in evil. The friend of mine who was the most vehement about me dropping my rose tainted glass happened to be enrolled in a cult where the leader talked a lot about good and evil and everything seemed to be black and white. When I awakened to my divine purpose and started walking my spiritual path with open eyes, I asked the angels, is there such a thing as evil and waited for a sign. Within minutes of me asking, a car zoomed past me on the motorway with a plate numbered BAD666. I am not joking. It was that clear. I wonder however if this was the answer from the angels or a response from some spirit entity that wanted to feed the darkness.

Let me explain. I consider, still to this date, that evil can only be in our heart if we allow it to enter. This is a choice we each have every minute of our day. Evil often knocks on our door and we let it in through our fears and darkest thoughts. So our job is not to combat evil but to fill ourselves so much with love and light that there is no place or space for anything else.

I am glad I gave Lucifer a chance on twitter and went to check his account…. because this has led me to this great moment of reflection on how we can sometimes placate our own fears, darkness and doubts onto people. There is nothing negative about my follower on twitter, nothing sinister. But if my thoughts had allowed me to believe it was, then I would have had the fright of my life.

Jean-Paul Sartre, a famous French philosopher who lived in my neighbourhood when I was a child, said: “Hell is created by others”. I disagree with him entirely: I think hell is made by us, by our own thoughts and judgments and negativity. Instead of combatting it in others, we need to not make space for it in us. It reminds me of peace activits who get angry and who commit acts of violence in the name of peace. Peace can only start in our own hearts and by making peace with our families, our friends, our neighbours… and our enemies, if we consider that we have any. The mere concept of enemy is so totally alien to me…. again it opens the door for hate, but we are the ones opening it in the first place.

If you play scrabble with the word evil, you find “live”.

So” long live Lucifer”. Do bring us light and wisdom and help us deconstruct our beliefs.

I want to conclude with my motto: “I dance in the sunshine of my soul and play with the shadows”. Having said that I know that in the spirit world, light does not create shadow. It is only on earth that it does.

Blessings of light to you all

Anges de Lumiere

This reflection on death was triggered by my witnessing from afar the death of several aged people who were in denial of the gravity of their illness and who acted like fools and nearly destroyed, because of that, the lives of their loved ones by acting totally foolishly. I know I only had one side of the story as it was relayed by people I know but I couldn’t help thinking that if these people were less afraid of death or of talking about death, then perhaps all that pain and suffering would have been spared for everyone involved. To me, it seemed like these dying people were fighting like cats against the inevitable and although it is good to have a will to live, in certain circumstances the fighting actually makes things a lot worse because of the fear that is involved.

From very young, I have always been fascinated by death, to the point that my parents thought I was weird and even wanted to take me to a psychologist. I think I was only in my twenties when I started reading books by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross on death and the dying. Again, my parents watched me doing this with disgust. Death was never discussed at home. But to me, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was raising such important issues and doing sacred work and yet she has been dead for six years now, and I don’t feel things have progressed immensely.

Nobody knows for sure what happens when we die, yet there has been an incredible amount of testimonies about Near Death Experiences that most people would be well advised to read. I know it’s not conclusive and scientists have debunked the whole experience has hallucinatory but to me they make so much sense that I wish more people would read them. Just to know that when you are in the process of dying, you leave your body, you feel no pain and you meet with loved ones on the other side is so comforting that personally that would be enough for me to feel a lot more relaxed about dying.

Perhaps because I have always been so interested to research this topic that no one wants to talk about, especially when their lives are touched by life threatening illnesses that oblige them to face the fact that we are all going to die one day and at that particular time in their lives, death has come to look them in the face. And it’s true, the only thing we can be sure on this earth is that one day, we are going to die. So why do we avoid the subject at all cost?

This interest of mine has lead me to investigate reincarnation. And again, there is so much to read about the concept. First of all, there is Ian Stevenson’s book Twenty cases suggestive of reincarnation, where the author investigates cases of young children who have retained the memory of their past lives to such a detail that he was able to track down the family of their past incarnation and make contact and confirm stories.  If this was not enough, there are now countless of books written by hypnotherapists who stumbled upon “past lives” that their clients shared whilst in trance. My favourite ones are “Many lives many masters” by Brian Wess. This book actually made me so interested in hypnotherapy that I eventually trained as one. My other favourites are books by Michael Newton in particular “Journey of Souls”. All these book contain fascinating stories about memories unveiled about past lives but also about the process of dying and life between lives. Even if when reading you still think that this is a nice theory reading such books can give such insights and inspiration that I really recommend their reading.

And then, to take my interest further, I trained with the Penny Brohn Cancer Care to help people who live with cancer and one of the sessions we had was with the St Peter’s hospice and that was truly educational. The impulse to do this was the diagnosis of a brain tumour detected on my father. That was in 2007. His tumour is not an aggressive cancerous type but the brain being the contained space that it is, it is neverless a huge thread and it impacts his lifestyle more than we would like it to do. And recently, after a six months respite, we learnt that his tumour was gaining space again and of courses, for me, it raised the subject of his mortality. Not to mention that two of my favourite aunts have died in the past year and one of my favourite uncles. Plus my cat has been diagnosed with a tumour on his heart with not much time to live.

It’s sure, knowing about life before life or life after death and knowing that they survive helps. And to me, this is more than a hypothesis because when my grand mother died in 2001, she came to me in a dream and said goodbye.  And a few months later, I witnessed my then three year old daughter talk discuss with a white blob in her bedroom in the middle of the night, only to learn a few days later that her great grand mother had died at that precise moment.

I am sharing all these stories because I believe we live in a time and age where death should not be taboo anymore. And that if it wasn’t such a taboo, then we could live better lives and approach our mortality in a much more “relaxed” or at least peaceful manner although the timing of it always comes much too early to our liking and I understand that.

Interestingly this topic of death has surfaced as I am now expecting another child and I cannot help thinking that life and death are as intimately linked as the sun and the shadow that it creates.

So can you talk about death?

A lovely day to you all

Anges de Lumiere

I blamed my spirit guides and harrangued them as I felt they had abandoned me. I told them: “Why did you ask me to write this book when it’s just been a financial hole? I could just work a Tesco and not worry about money. What’s the point. You have failed me. I have given you everything. I left a lucrative legal job, followed your lead, put my life on the line, and look where I am now? Struggling financially and totally lost.” This wasn’t a pretty conversation I can assure you. And the next day, I was just in tears most of the day. I felt so abandoned by God and the angels. Just like I felt so abandoned by God and the angels when I was a child and life was so rough. And again when my marriage was on the rocks. And again when I lost my job in 2006. As you can see, I was bathing in the seas of self pity and doing a really good job at being despaired. All this because I… in my foolishness… had put some pressure on myself.

When the tears subsided and I took some time to center myself, I started to see things more clearly. And instead of believing that my spiritual guides had abandoned me and that this just wasn’t worth it, I came to realise that divine timing is not our timing. That although my business is in a bit of a financial pickle at the moment, I still have money from other sources to pay my bills and I am not at risk of repossession. I have food on the table. I have  a lovely house to live in. I have an amazing partner and sweetheart and three gorgeous children and three lovely step children and all the time in the world that I need. So in effect, my life is pretty blessed. It is only because my mind has decided that I have to earn some money, and it had better be quick, that I collapsed in this heap of self pity and felt despaired.

I have always believed that most of human misery is self inflicted and that life is 10% what happens and 90% our feelings about it. And here, there was a blatant example of this. I got discouraged because I had decided that September was going to be the month when money would start pouring in and because on September the 1st I didn’t have hundreds of pounds flowing in, I had a tantrum. Am I laugheable? Perhaps only human.

When the whole incident was over, and I was able to sit in an energy of appreciation again, I was downloaded some precious new information about the journey of the slim soul and about my next steps ahead… and I felt so calm and together because I could see clearly that the pressure had to be off. I had to stop rating myself as a success depending on how many books I sold or how many workshops I ran. These expectations were totally ego driven and ridiculous. And when I was able to relax into this, then a whole plan for the next three months started to unravel and I felt peace again.

Reading more about the Law of Attraction yesterday, I had another light bulb moment. I realised that it is no good pretending you feel good when you don’t and when you sit in the middle of despair. And I could see that in a very brief period of twelve hours I had managed to shift my feelings from despair to anger… and then from anger to frustration… and then from frustration to hope… and I read, in Jerry and Esther Hicks’ book that this is exactly what you need to do when you drop into negative thinking… pretending you are feeling good when you are not is pointless, but shifting up the scale of emotions towards more positive ones helps. And when you reach the emotion of hope, then all you need to do  is list the things you appreciate in your life. And I do that as a matter of routine in my life so when I reached the emotion of hope, I knew I was out of the wood. What a wonderful feeling. Just like climbing a ladder towards Source. And I am determined to climb higher and higher and to inspire you to do the same.

In the midst of my crisis, I also practiced Ho’oponopono, an ancient practice of repentance from the Hawaiian shamanic tradition. It is so simple most people don’t understand how it works but it truly brings miracles in your life because it shifts your vibration from that of negativity to a place of love and appreciation. It goes like this: “Dear (….), I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you” And in my case, it went like this “Dear God and the angels, I am sorry that I have though you had abandoned me, please forgive me for letting my ego take over and create doubts in your magnificence, your benevolence and your unconditional support and love, I love you and will always do, thank you for your forgiveness.” When I started to say those words (the simplified version) they felt a little shallow because I was still feeling angry and despaired, but by the end of the practice, I felt real love and gratitude. The energy in my heart had been restored to the beautiful unconditional love that helps me help myself and others.

To your happiness

Anges de Lumiere

My son wanted to go on a trampoline, so we approached one of the two, leisurely. Three children were waiting on the side of it whilst one of them was playing and as soon as we approached them, they let us know that this trampoline was for over seven years old and my son is very clearly under that age. They very nicely indicated to us that there was another trampoline further down for under sevens. I thanked them with a huge smile and they seemed pleased with that. I was already marvelling at how together these children were to first organise themselves so that everyone had their turn and to offer helpful information to us in such a nice way. I am reading at the moment a book called the Vortex by Esther Hicks and have reached a place in the book where she explains that if children were left to their own device, they would sort things out naturally, as long as no adult with a negative vibe was tagging along. That chapter sounded quite fascinating and subconsciously I think I was already testing it in real life in that play area. What happened next was truly fascinating.

I must tell you first that I absolutely love children. What I find hard to deal with is more the parents, as they very often have huge issues that they project onto their children. Most teachers could probably tell you that, but I am not in a teaching position. In fact, at this point in my life, I am not very often in contact with groups of children other than in playgrounds. I have noticed however that when they reach school age, some of that beautiful innocence and pure love gets tainted, probably through learning from their environment or adults who are not aligned.

So junior and I headed for the younger trampoline and there was a couple of boys playing there with a lady who appeared to be a grand mother and a father sat on the grass, reading a book. The trampoline was buried in the ground so that you could just jump onto it from the grass.

We tagged along and junior took his turn and everything was going well. Grand-ma was counting the turns. She very quickly explained to me that a member of staff had come to explain that it was not safe for children to be playing more than one at a time (and I suddenly noticed that there was a huge sign explaining that by the side of the trampoline) and she also explained that they had suggested to her that she counted to ten so each child had a fair amount of the time on the trampoline. We were happy to tag along. On occasions, one of them had to be reminded of the queue system and that if they wanted to have their turn, they had to remain in the queue. I could feel that Grand-ma was getting a bit tired as she mentioned that she had been counting now for over two hours and hinted she could do with a break.

I offered to count and an hour and a half went by with me hardly noticing. At any point in time, there was from three to sometimes up to ten children who wanted to play on the trampoline. To add a bit of interest to the counting I started counting in French occasionally but showing my fingers to the children as they jumped so they knew how long they had and where they stood. I think they loved the clarity and the organisation because they could each see how it was fair and how each one could have their turn. And it really reminded me how, structure is so important for children and how they actually strive within clear boundaries as long as those boundaries are not rigid.

Since I was stuck with the counting I started making a game out of the counting and also offered to count in Spanish. Each child was offered the choice of having his turn counted in English, French or Spanish. It brought a playfulness to it and I could see a couple of children whose face litterally lit up because they not only enjoyed the jumping but also the excitment of hearing something different. I was having a great time too, teasing them, gently reminding them to stay in the middle to keep safe. The little boys were quite boysterous but all of them were so lovely as I expected them to be. At no moment, did I have any doubt that they would understand the rules and join in to benefit from their turn. It was all so fair to them.

What really took me by surprise, but then again no, is how some parents got hot under the collar about it. Most of them could see that this was working beautifully but two or three women got really upset when I explained to their child that they had to take their turns and some even walked away with angry looks. Grand-ma commented about it and how it made her feel self conscious but I told her that it was more their problem than ours. Grand-ma was good at explaining to the parents that this system enabled each child to safely jump and to have their turn. Kids did not have to be explained much, they got it right away. It’s the parents who had the stronger resistance.

I marvelled at how occasionally if a child got impatient and stepped out of the queue, sometimes the other children would naturally allow him or her back in because they knew how hard it is sometimes to wait for your turn. I was really impressed by them. I also loved the connection we made individually, each of these children and me, as I taylored the counting to their wishes and looked straight into their eyes, gently encouraging or praising them and making sure they were safe. It reminded me how I had loved being a camp youth worker (I don’t know if the word is correct) when I was in my late teens, working with children.

And then one of the children in the queue asked if I could count in Finnish, and yes I could but I would need a little help from him because it had been a long time since I did and so we did it. It was a really boysterous little boy of perhaps seven who had come with two of his mates and I had a fleeting thought when they joined of not being too sure if they were going to play the rules, but they did and he was so extatic that I could count in Finnish that it sealed our deal, so to speak, and he totally enjoyed the process. He kept on telling his mates “hey this is Finnish, it’s my language”, in his perfect English and it made me want to learn to count in other languages like German, Russian and maybe more so that more bonding could take place between me and those children. As I myself, am raising bilingual children, I could see how important it is for each child to be acknowledged for his “differences” and how with a little effort, you can go a long way to bond with a child.

There was also a little boy who initially said he hated Spanish and he wanted English because he was English. On his seventh or so turn on the trampoline I teased him by saying “boring” when he requested English and he laughed at me. Half an hour down the line, he asked me to count in Spanish for him and we had a good laugh. With something as simple as a little playfulness, his “hate” of Spanish had vanished and I was so so enjoying myself bonding with these children. New ones would usually stare at me, especially if I counted in Spanish or French. It was just such a marvellous, spontaneous bit of fun but also a life illustration of the principles that I read in my book. If children are surrounded by adults who are in alignment with their vibration, they will naturally behave well. If they feel that we respect them and honour their differences, they return the favour back a hundred fold.

Children are my life. Not only my own, although motherhood has truly been the most spiritually transforming experience in my life, but also other children. They are truly magnificent and need to be respected and honoured. It is down to us adults to have positive expectations of them and to shine that vibe from the inside out. They can pick up on those vibes and if we do this, they naturally act with more ease and more love.

With love and light

Anges de Lumiere, Soul Awakener

The Church got more and more busy and a lady whose face was very familiar to me sat next to me. For a brief moment, I looked up from my papers, smiled and went back in. I really thought things would not progress from there. And to be frank, my expectations are very low from the mothers in the village because I have now lived since December 2003 and not made a single friend. It could be me, or it could be them. It have certainly thought about the whys of this for a long time but never came to a satisfactory conclusion except that maybe it was due to the fact I was not from “here”.

What you need to know is that I am an immigrant and to make matters “worse”, I moved to this village half way through the reception year (first year of school in English primary school) and I supposed that most friendships had already been established by then. In fact, since having my third child four years ago and him going to the most established child minder in the village, I have learnt that friendships and link are started way before those little angels start primary school. Mums often have been to the same ante-natal classes, perhaps they were local as well so they know people from when they were children. Their kids then go to pre-school so by the time the children start primary school, things are already decided.

And so, me and my elder two children had to fight to make our own space in this close knit community. In fact, both my elder children have struggled to make friends all along and my heart was very heavy at witnessing their loneliness. Why did they have to live the same existence that I did? Don’t get me wrong, I have the most delightful friends. I am not a loner, but my friends often decide to move to the other side of the world shortly after we meet (and we keep in touch regardless) or they live far away (at least in terms of mother’s miles because once you start having children it’s hard to keep seeing friends if they are not local).

When I was still very brave and new to the village, I joined the local ladies club but I soon found out that no one wanted to talk to me so after about a year, I dropped out, a bit disheartened. I remember that my pew neighbour was one of the ladies who attended the ladies club.

To go back to the lady in Church, to my astonishment, she asked me what I was doing. Probably a remark in passing. And a conversation started. A lovely conversation I must say and I shared about my passions and what I do. And it was even sprinkled with bits of philosphy (you know me, I can’t do just small talk) about how our beliefs shape our lives. She told me that she was really enjoying our conversation and found it fascinating and she wished she had talked to me before.

I looked a little surprised so she explained: “I thought you were completely French”. I had to repress a smile and a question there but she quickly added “I didn’t think you could speak English and that we could communicate”. She was really remorseful and could see how silly she had been all these years and her explanation almost made me feel better. It wasn’t me, as such, it was what I represented: the unknown, the foreign, the difference. And she was able to see very quickly that her fears were unfounded and that she actually really enjoyed my company. I could feel sad about it, and she did say she had regrets but I replied that we still had years ahead of us (as I found out she had a younger girl that still had two years to go in the village school). I have no doubt that after the summer holidays we will be a lot friendlier. I don’t know if this is going to develop into a great inseparable friendship but I have been wishing for a friend in the village as it is so important sometimes to have someone close for a bit of help too. My child minder is a friend now and she is amazing but sometimes it is easier to have a mum friend at hand for lifts, or go to coffee after dropping the kids for a bit of comfort.

I am looking forward to talking to this lady again, after the summer holiday. And I admire her bravery for finally having the courage to talk to me. Maybe I wasn’t so much of a stranger after she saw my face for seven years in the playground. So can I invite you today to talk to a stranger. Talk to someone you would not normally talk. Step out of your comfort zone and reach out to someone who looks lonely or who doesn’t know anyone in your circle.

You will make their day.

To your happiness and well being

Anges de Lumiere

Soul awakener

I had my first driving lesson in the middle of the south bank of Paris at the tender age of 18. Now that is a frightening experience especially when you are supposed to squeeze out of a tiny parking space. And most Parisians, as some of you might have experienced whilst visiting are quite hot tempered when it comes to driving. A lot of swearing and beeping goes on but no real violence. Road rage is a lot less frequent than in the UK, for example, as people expect as a matter of routine to get tiny bumps and dents on their cars as part of the driving experience. We often laugh about this with my English partner because we think nothing of touching lightly another car whilst parking whereas here in the UK, it’s almost a deadly sin.

Anyway to go back to my spiritual turning points, my very first one happened after I had a very seriously traumatic experience in my private life (I won’t talk about it here because it would distract from the focus of this email) that left me feeling very vulnerable. I wasn’t depressed but I would often walk the streets of Paris with tears streaming down my face and eating was very difficult. And when I was strong enough to go back to work, I started using that time of solitude away from my young son and husband (I was then a full time working mum of a single child of three) to listen to lectures in my car. I had a cassette player (gosh, isn’t that a pointer to a time long gone now) in my car and I would pop a cassette in when I closed the door of my car and I made the most of my driving time to work by listening to really inspiring stuff. One particular tape captures my memory: the dark night of the soul by Caroline Myss. But there was also some wonderful lectures by Thich Nhat Hanh. And so I never again, since then, experiences annoyance or impatience in my car because I used the time that I was stuck in traffic for my own enlightenment. It has stayed with me even to this day. When you think of how many people actually hate driving to work and resent the traffic, think about how much better they could use their time, especially now that there are so many books on CD. Back then, we are talking here over ten years ago, the books on tape and lectures were far and between and I actually ordered them straight from the US either on Amazon or directly from the Sounds True catalogue. My point really is that we can always utilise “dead” space for our own embetterment.

And then the next big turning point on my spiritual journey in my car, was on a quiet grey morning driving down the A38 (the main road that goes down from where I live to Bristol) a few months after my first reiki one attunement. The reiki 1 workshop was definitely a turning point too but again, I want to keep to my theme here so if you want to learn about it, mention it in the comments to this post please.

I was driving down the a 38, feeling quite happy even humming in my car as I also love to listen to music in my car uninterrupted. It wasn’t rush time. The road was almost empty apart from me. And suddenly, a feeling of doom descended upon me and I just couldn’t shake it off. I felt awful. And that is really not like me. Most of my friends would tell you I have a sunny disposition. And then I saw the car in my rear mirror. I think it was a small white car, maybe an AX or something similar. I stopped at the orange traffic lights in front of me and the car behind me went manic over it. Not only did they start to beep furiously (quite unusual in this country) but on top of it, the woman who was driving the car took the trouble to drive to my right, open her window (she had a passenger) and vomit some insults at me for not going through the orange light. I stayed very calm and ignored her, which triggered another spout of insults and she zoomed away as soon as the lights turned orange again leaving a trail of noise and fury behind her. I was totally gobsmacked and dumbed. But what dawned on me as she drove away down the A38 is that the feeling of doom and gloom that has suddenly assaulted me from  behind for no “logical reason” had left me as suddenly as it had appeared in the first place. And then I was able to understand what had really happened: I had picked up on this lady’s super negative energy (I don’t think I can find  word strong enough to describe how negative she was without tipping into religious vocabulary) more than 200 yards before she appeared on my radar (literally and figuratively). What an amazing experience. I immediately prayed for her as I felt really sorry for her. How mixed must someone be to be so furious about a traffic light?

The next turning point happened at the same spot… life has a way at sprinkling signs for you when you are willing to notice them. A man was driving a car that suddenly turned left without using his indicator. My practice at not swearing at other drivers was not yet perfected and normally I would have started mumbling to myself “what an idiot” “do blinkers come as options on your model”, that sort of things. But unusually, I just thought the following: “hey man, do take care of yourself or your are going to get hurt or hurt someone, use that blinker, please” or thoughts to that effect. It so happens that at the following traffic light (there tends to be a lot on the road these days), the guy was turning left AND he used his blinker. My brain went into delta mode for a second as I realised what this really meant: not only that I had taken another shift in my spiritual practice as a driver (i.e. not insuling but really caring about other people’s safety) but also that my prayer had the desired effect (he actually used his indicator, which was highly unlikely given his previous reckless behaviour).

More turning points… I blogged in January about causing the first accident in my life. I guess there has to be a first for everything and as much as I would hope that my impeccable spiritual behaviour would spare me the shame of being responsible for a car accident, it didn’t. It’s a bit like thinking that because you are a vegetarian, the angry bull that faces you in that field on a hot summer day is not going to charge. It was dark, I was ill (fever) with a small child at the back. I was tired and all I wanted to do was be in bed. But, as the semi-single mother that I am (I have two children from a previous marriage and am still responsible for a lot of the child management in my household), I had no choice. Bed wasn’t an option. I had to pick my daughter from the afterschool club in the village. So what I consider the inevitable happened: I scrapped the whole of my left side against someone who was parked (the roads in my village are not lit and the car was black) with an astounding noise. My little boy at the back got really upset and started crying and I thought “God, No” (the reality sounded more like shit which I use very sparingly). What followed took me totally by surprise. A lady came out of the house near the car that I damaged and she walked towards me and my son opened armed. And she said “Oh I heard this noise, are you OK?”. I knew then that she had a link to the car I had damaged so I mentioned the fact that I was sorry but she wouldnt hear anything about it. All that mattered to her was to make sure me and my son were OK. Pretty unusual, right? I have more.

Last week, I went to have a cup of coffee with a friend of mine in town and parked my car on the high street. When I came back, I saw a bit of paper tucked into my door. At first I squinted at it not knowing what it was and wondering if it was a secret admirer or something, only to find out that a man had damaged my car and left his details with a note of apology on the back of a pack of paracetamol. The mere fact he used a box of paracetamol was enough to make me smile and instead of being upset about the accident, I felt elated. Why? Because as most people will have experienced, and it happened to me at least three times in the past four years, people who damage a parked car don’t usually bother to leave their details if the owner of the car is not in sight. When I drove my car to the body repair shop today to get a quote, the guy said he sees hundreds of cars with similar damage in the same circumstances and he said these kinds of ocurences are really really rare: less than one in a hundred. I have to report that I am delighted to be part of the 1% of that population.

So what’s different? I can’t help thinking that there is a thread here. That it is no coincidence that from the girl who used to swear and judge and insult people (albeit in her mind and sometimes under her breath) I have moved to a pretty zen driver. And I can’t help noticing that back in January, I didn’t duck out of my responsibilities as a driver despite the fact that I am more skint now than ever before and it was very tempting indeed to just drive off into the sunshine. So could it be karma?

Most people realise that the law of karma: action is always followed by a consequence, doesnt’ work immediately and sometimes can take twists and turns. So they cheat on their employer, perhaps steeling a ram of paper to print stuff at home, but then they don’t make the link with the fact that they don’t get a pay rise or their partner cheats on them. Karma works like that. And karma also doesn’t work as fast depending on how mature you are spiritually. What I mean is that the more mature you are, the quicker karma will either bite at you or reward you. And in a similar fashion, the more childish you are spiritually, the longer it takes for the boomerang to get back to you so you really don’t see any link. And there is no point in you seeing one because it’s way beyond your understanding.

I didn’t mean to go on for that long today but can I perhaps suggest that you use driving as your own spiritual practice? Especially if you lead a very busy life (I used to be a full time working single mum with two young children so basically my car time was the only free time I had), why not use the little space and time you have for good effect, especially if you don’t have the time to go away on a retreat in Spain or on that meditation week-end. There is no need for that. Life is full of opportunities to grow.

The best to your spiritual growth

With love and light

Anges de Lumiere

There is no mystery for me about the fact that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And this book is an illustration of that principle. It had been sitting on my shelves for years and suddenly I was ready to take it in. The law of attraction is talked about by many people in the “new age” field and perhaps that’s the reason why I had discarded the book in the first place. It is written in a style that can be off putting. The author says she channels a group of wiser entities that are collectively called Abraham. I don’t know about you but for me, initially, that set alarm bells ringing very loud. It nearly put me off the book. However, I have watched a series of little video clips of her channeling sessions on you tube and I was so impressed with the quality of the message but more importantly of how in tune they were with my deepest beliefs that I decided it was time to revisit the book.

And so I embarked on a treatise of how the law of attraction works. It is extra simple. First you ask, second the Universe responds (to your request), third, you allow the Universe to deliver the gift you asked for. The first step is seemingly obvious and easy. But what we mortals usually misunderstand is that the law of attraction will bring to us everything we think of often enough. And this means that if we keep on worrying, we bring onto us the very thing we worry about. I have a first hand experience of this from years ago. From the day I dated my ex-husband, I was worried about him being unfaithful. I had seen so many stories of betrayal both in my family circle but in literature, films, etc, that this was a very deeply engrained fear. And guess what, I did such a good job of worrying about it… that it happened. Not as I expected it because I was the culprit, and believe that took me by complete surprise. But that’s another story all together. Just to say,  the law of attraction works…

Don’t let that make you panic about every thought you have, it’s only the thoughts you think about often enough. And contrary to popular belief, you can control your habitual thoughts. When one pops up in your head, cancel it or decide not to give it too much mileage. If you constantly think about not being late for an appointment, guess what: you increase the chances of being late. Here is how I make it work for me: if I am a bit on the late side of things to get to an appointment, I ask the Universe to rearrange things so that I get there in time, not on time. What happens next is that either (i) I take less time to get to destination than I thought I would, or (ii) the person I have an appointment with is late or (iii) if I need some extra time, the person actually cancels the appointment and I am left with some lovely time to play with.

If you are not convinced and just want to try first with something small like a space to park… try that. Something small can be good to build your attraction muscles.

Step 2: the Universe delivers to you what you have asked for. You can’t control the timing but the better you get at this “game” the quicker it happens and the more miraculous the result. That is, of course, if you have asked for what you want in step 1. Otherwise, you might just think you are cursed.

Step 3: you have to allow the Universe to deliver to you what it is that you have asked for. This is harder than most people think and that’s where usually things go wrong. Most of us, particularly myself, are so pro-active, so driven and so used to working hard to get what they want, that they ask but just to make sure they also start taking steps in all directions and try to MAKE things happen. You have to have faith behind your request, otherwise it doesn’t work. So ask, and forget you have asked, and expect it to turn up. There is one small caveat, however, you can only ask for yourself. No messing about with other people’s lives. They have to make their own orders. Why? because they need the passion and belief behind their request and if you do it for them… well it isn’t there, really, is it? The other little caveat is that you have to understand that it is OK to ask and that you are not going to take anything away from someone who needs it more than you. The Universe is ever expanding. Think about it, you don’t refrain from ordering a computer on the pretense that someone else might need it more than you. Well, with your orders from the Universe, it is the same. Don’t be silly.

I hope this little blog has inspired you to become a positive magnet. What are you waiting for to start a brand new fresh wish list?

With love and light

Anges de Lumiere

If you don’t mind me going a bit back in time to last September, I will tell you what made me change from someone hostile to running to someone who now loves doing it. The only reason I am telling my story is to inspire you to get your running shoes on and get started. I hated running. My partner is a runner and we have been together for over eight years and it never crossed my mind to run. A very close friend of mine asked me this time last year, as I was looking to get fitter, “why don’t you come running with me” and I am not even sure I bothered to answer her question. That is how bad I was. But one day, I think it was the 4th September, I sat down on my bed and just before going to bed, I asked the angels (I do believe in angels and they always answer my prayers) to help me find a way to keep fit. I felt I was reaching a plateau on my slimming journey and needed an extra “quick”. I had not exercised at all except a bit of belly dancing up to then. I went to bed and the next morning, I woke up knowing I had become a runner. How did I know that? Just because I couldn’t wait to go for a run. It was suddenly the most exciting thing that could ever happen in my life. When my ex-husband heard through the children that I took up running, apparently, his jaws dropped.

To get back to that day, I gathered a pair of old trainers, and a pair of shorts, a tee-shirt and my son donated to me his sports watch that his Dad bought him and nagged my partner to go for a run. It was Saturday, and we wanted to go for a walk on the sea front in Weston Super Mare so we decided to go all as a family and I would try my new running enthusiasm whilst Daniel and the children would make sand castles. Daniel told me I looked great. Something inside of me felt like an impostor, looking the part so well. But I did it anyway. That day, I ran five minutes one way then five minutes back and I never knew I had it in me. Daniel has wisely advised me not to push it too much and to take it really easy. But to me, a ten minute run was a miracle and it was so amazingly enjoyable (apart from my mind that kept on telling me I was making a terrible mistake and that I would make a total fool of myself when I couldn’t get up the next morning – kssss… that reptilian brain of mine is sometimes a real pain). I felt so light and so able. I almost wanted to run longer. It was only the first minute or so that was a bit challenging but I have come to learn that this is the threshold that all runners must go past to enter the pleasure zone. And it is literally like a rush of wellbeing. I had never heard of the runner’s high but boy was that amazing. And the next morning, I felt divine.

To cut a long story short, from then on, I build up in an incredibly quick amount of time (my running friend couldn’t believe how fast given I am twenty years older than her and had never run before in my life) from ten minutes twice a week to now 50 minutes three times a week, rain or shine. I ran through my first winter and kept it up. And it gave me a sense of … competency. I never knew I had it in me. And so the most natural thing to do was to sign up for a charity event. And with so many people battling with cancer, the Race for Life was a natural choice. Between the time I signed up for the Race and the time I ran it, sadly, one of my favourite aunts died of cancer leaving me feeling very raw and vulnerable. I had not seen her in a long time but it’s all the memories that flooded back. And the reason why I had not seen her in a long time is because we live in different countries. And believe me, when you hear that someone you love has cancer and you live thousands of miles away it is something very difficult to get through. Because people you love need you to drop by, they need you to cook for them, they need you to be there but when you are thousands of miles away and you have three young children and you are broke, that doesn’t leave many options, does it? Well I did what I thought I could do, I sang her name every day in my shower (which is a form of healing I developped) and I send her reiki and prayers and I also sent her a birthday card (as my sister pointed out, probably the only one she received that year as no one had the gut to send her one) but I didn’t have the courage to call her. My heart was breaking out inside and I couldn’t guarantee that I could hold it together. Isn’t it the hardest thing to do to suss out what you can do to help someone who goes through something as difficult as that. And in my family, they don’t believe in what I do: the healing, the reiki… they might just about accept prayers, and I know that my aunt was a very devot Christian. In fact, she had retired in an old people’s home run by nuns and she loved them. She had lived most of her life like a nun herself. But for my kind, reiki and healing is almost the stuff of the devil.

This is what also happened with my Dad when he was diagnosed with a brain tumour three years ago. He swears by doctors, being one himself, and he will only worship the medical altar. Well, OK, that’s not completely true, he is also a devout Christian. So that makes two of them. And my other auntie, who is fiercely battling her third bout of cancer and who is my favourite aunt in the world is also pretty hostile to what I do. She will accept prayers because that “cannot hurt” but that’s how far she will go.

Anyway, to go back to the Race, for me taking part in the Race was more than just running five kilometers. It was the bit I wanted to do for cancer when my relatives affected by it won’t let me in to help. And so, if I can’t help them, I’ll help myself by taking my help elsewhere. And I also trained with the Penny Brohn Cancer Care and I remember when I did that three years ago when my father was diagnosed with his brain tumour (which he survived), my auntie who is now battling her third bout of cancer said to me she was concerned about me working with people with cancer and how that might affect me. Training with the Penny Brohn Cancer helped me more than anyone else. It helped me be there even when my help wasn’t wanted. It helped me put aside what I wanted to give and just ask my father, my aunt… what they would want, and not to feel hurt by their rejection. It made me understand that it was their illness and there was nothing I could do to help them deal with it. They had to do it their own way. So in a way, my family helped me love them unconditionally, however hard that was on me. And I am grateful to them for that.

Taking part in the Race for Life was something I did for me, to help me cope and make sense of the death of my aunt Marguerite. She refused treatment. She upset many people around her because of that, not the least my father and mother. But I respected her. And Penny Brohn and all my years of training as a healer and therapist helped me for that. Running for life helped me cry over her death and how much I love her and miss her. But I started missing her long before she was ill, long before she died. I just hadn’t noticed because life was so busy just living.

Taking part in an event like this is breath taking. It is not a race, it is a bonding experience. The diversity of the women who took place, and the reasons why, was humbling. It almost made me feel that crying over the death of my aunt was a bit of a selfish and self centered thing to do. I saw a couple of ladies who run “for everyone who has cancer” or “for the world” and it made me want to write on my back “I run for peace” and I probably will next year. I don’t want to have to run next year in loving memory of my favourite aunty. Not again. But if I have, there is nothing I can do.

There was one minute of silence before the race where we all remembered why we were here. It took us away from the stage and the pompom dancers and the balloons… my daughter was by my side, she could see the tears streaming down my face, she held me and told me how much she loved me and how beautiful I am and it made my heart sing but it also made me feel more emotional. But tears are good.

I pulled myself together and I remembered that I was here for a reason and not only to feel sorry for myself. I remembered that I was a channel for divine light and that I had a chance to touch energetically thousands of life in one go. And just as sometimes, when I feel vibrant, I walk into supermarkets to shower my unconditional love and reiki onto everyone there… I had vowed to send love and healing to everyone taking place in this race and to all the loved ones of those runnners (or walkers) and so, during that minute of silence, I send out the healing. I imagined that I was a hundred metres high and that I showered everyone with love and healing and peaceful energy. And when I was running, I directed prayers to every single person whose name I could see written on the back of my co-runners in addition to the runners themselves. And suddenly this race all started to make a lot more sense to me. I now understood why the angels had put wings on my feet back on that 5th September 2009… why they enrolled me to run for them. It all fell into place.

I understood why the next day I felt so tired. Much more tired than for a normal run of 5k. And that is fine too. I wanted to give. I wanted to share the love. I wanted to reach out and touch so many people’s lives. And I will never know what difference I have made on Saturday and it doesn’t matter. I didn’t do it to receive thanks. I was just part of a group of amazing 10,000 women who wanted to make a difference. And I know some of them had cancer too.

You can still donate for the Race for Life here: http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/agnesvermorel

Blessings to you

Anges de Lumiere

“I need help”: is this true? Do I really need help or is it my mind that thinks it needs help? If I think this thought, how does it make me feel? Helpless.

Our thoughts shape how we view life. If we believe those thoughts, as I wrote in that blog a couple of weeks back, we create a reality that is painful. Byron Katie calls them the “stressful thoughts”. This is the reason why some of us, despite the abundance in our lives, despite the love, despite the support, feel we need more. It could be that we want more. That’s different. Do we need more? According to Byron Katie, if we don’t have it, we don’t need it. And I have come to agree with her often unpopular philosophy. Either I have all the support that I needed right now but I fail to see it, or I don’t, but I am meant not to have it because the lack of support comes from the way I do things. I am actually creating this reality, no matter how much I might resist it.

Let me give you an example. Very often, we think “I need more money”. Apart from extreme cases, this is not true. As long as you have a roof over your head, as long as you have food on the table, you don’t need more money. You might want more money but that’s another matter. You might be skint. You might wonder how to make ends meet, but you don’t need more money. Am I irritating you enough by now? Well, if you had more money right now, you might not feel the pain of having to look into your poverty consciousness for example. Or if you are unwell in your health, and you feel the pain, if you felt better without learning the lessons from the challenge you are facing, then somehow, you would be robbed of an opportunity to learn some valuable lessons.

So “I need more money”, is it true? Well no. I don’t. What I really need is faith. What I really need is trust. Trust in the fact that the world is a benevolent place. Are you thinking: Is she mad? What about the wars, the famines, the murders… I have come to the conclusion that these things exist because they are needed by the people who experience them. These things are needed for us to see what we create and what is needed to correct the situation. These are just lessons.

I was told once that someone I know (I need to remain vague here and I hope you will understand) had died in a concentration camp in a past life. Itwas a client who needed a lot of healing, particularly in their digestive systems. As I wondered why so much healing energy was needed, I was shown about the past life. I asked my guides: “but why would such a person chose to live a life that lead to them dying in a concentration camp? Why?” I just couldn’t understand. The mere fact that concentration camps have existed has always created huge questioning in my mind about the “human” experience. What I was shown, was that that client had deliberately chosen as their path during their last incarnation to be deported to a concentration camp and as a result die from hunger because they wanted to have their faith tested and despite that incredible bigger than life challenge, continue to have faith in humanity. They had chosen to fortify their faith and apparently their past life had been a success.

I have recently seen quotes posted on Facebook from Ann Frank that point in that direction. There was even an article written by a historian that questioned the fact that those quotes were “genuine” backed up by a friend of Ann Frank who claimed that she would have never written such a thing. In the light of what I just wrote, I believe that Ann Frank might have had a similar “fate” or chosen a life challenge similar to my client: she wanted to experience atrocities and still decide to see the best in humanity and continue to have faith in it. And what a life path that is. Quite some enlightened beings we are witnessing here.

So to go back to our “little” challenges, comparatively, we have chosen them so that we could learn some valuable lessons and grow more compassionate, more loving, more respectful. And most of you know it is very difficult to have compassion unless you have been there yourself. Pain for example, is rarely understood until you go through pain yourself. The same goes for everything. So I am here questioning the way we approach our “painful” experiences and suggesting here that there is a possibility that “All is well” despite appearances. The challenges that we face, big or small, are meant to be and the quicker we learn the lessons from these challenges, the less they have reasons to continue to be in our lives.

I have embraced my challenges head on in the past few months and I have to say that Byron Katie really helped me take 100% responsibility for everything that is happening in my life. I don’t always know why things are happening, but my “new” philosophy is that if it is happening, then there is a reason and my only job is to refrain from resisting feeling like a victim and embrace the learning that can be found in each of them. That’s what spiritual gold diggers are doing. That is now my full time job. Whenever I see, feel, experience something unpleasant or challenging: I look within. What in me, created this experience. Because life is a mirror. Everything is created inside. And even if you didn’t believe in this, try it. You are the only one who can change. And if you change your attitude, if you clear your negativity and your victim mentality about what is happening to you, the “it’s not fair” reaction, you will give yourself a gift of growth. As a result, you won’t have to experience the unpleasantness for as long. As soon as the lessons are learnt, the challenge disappears.

All is well. Yes, despite external appearances, I believe that all is well. I hope that my blog is helping you see things differently. Sometimes it is very hard to understand why we go through challenging experiences but if you repeat the mantra that all is well, maybe this will help you have more faith in this world.

All is well. All my needs are met. What I wrote a few weeks back doesn’t make sense anymore. No I don’t need more money. No I don’t need more love. No I don’t need help, I am probably repulsing help by this tendency of mine to want to control everything. No, I don’t need more abundance. No, I don’t need more business: if things are quiet, there is a reason. No, I don’t need rest: I am having it when I need it because suddenly all my clients cancel. No, I don’t need my self esteem to be boosted: I just need more faith. No, I don’t need guidance. These are all fictions of my own thinking. I have everything I need right now. All my needs are met. And so are yours. And if they aren’t: time for action. Time to go within and look at the beliefs you hold that might come in the way of you receiving what y0u need.

Wishing you a perfect day

Anges de Lumiere

Well, thanks to a sign from my angels, who decided to use a friend to do so, I have been shown what is really going on. I am shifting old energy. To my friends who are energy workers that will instantly make sense. I am hoping to be able to explain this to my other friends. I like to keep things simple so hopefully there will be some clarity for you all.

When we are born, we are relatively “pure” in terms of memories (although as I believe in reincarnation, I could question that too but I need to start somewhere) and then life experiences creates some emotional baggage that shape us. The positive experiences do not leave “traces”, they merely remind us what beautiful loving and loveable beings we are. But the other experiences, those that hurt us, shock us, make us feel inadequate, unsafe, fearful, that knock our confidence, impact our selves and leave what I sometimes refer to as scars, create baggage. Most of the time, we are not aware of those because we bury them deep into our subconscious. Just like we cannot process all of the information all of the time, we need to store these memories somewhere so that we can get on with life. The problem is that sometimes, we bury them deep within ourselves without having “processed” them because they come as such a shock that our bodies and minds go into freeze in an effort to survive the trauma. We want to cope. We keep a stiff upper lip. Or as a lot of us will understand, we keep on going and store it all inside us at what I call “cell” level. It won’t be long before the scientific community will discover that every cell of ours contain the memory of everything that has happened to us, as much if not better than our brain cells. And maybe they already have.  I believe that we are holographic creatures in this respect with each cell vibrating at the same level with the same information as the others.

These memories, if kept inside, can affect our health. And this is the reason why it is important to clear them so that they stop giving instruction to us as we drive, subconsciously. Clearing all these minor and bigger traumas can be done in many different ways. Becoming aware of them is a first step. It could be that you come across someone or something that reminds you of a time, for example, where you best friend dropped you to go play with your worst enemy in the playground. Maybe you see this happen as you watch your own child in the playground and it strikes a cord.

But for the most part they sit in the background and “densify” your energy. We all have an energy field around us, whether we believe it or not, that protects and helps us to assess if there is danger around us to keep us safe. It is wired into us to help us keep alive, from the time we were surrounded by wild dangerous animals. This field also contains all of the information about us and our past. And this is the field that clairvoyants tune into to know what is going on in your world. Like an open book. Every cell being a book in itself.

It is important in life, to clear that bubble. To keep it clean. If you live or work amongst negative people then your bubble can fill up with their own negativity. And this is why I love reiki and other healing modalities so much. It helps me clean my bubble.

But recently, something different has happened. I have gone through such a rough ride that it made me wonder what was going on. It started a few months back, with my forgetting instantly what had happened the second before and feeling disorientated. I could be driving and knowing where I was going and suddenly wondering where on earth I was, where I was going and what was the purpose of it all. This, as you can guess, is driving my partner crazy, and I can’t blame him. He has not yet taken me to the doctor. I know I do not have premature dementia or any other disease.

The other “symptom” has been feeling very vulnerable and more easily hurt by other people. I am very sensitive generally but it has been taken to the next level. And tears are always that close to coming out, sometimes for no reason at all. I never know from one day to another if I am going to feel good or not. If the sun shines, it’s much better, but it’s not a guarantee. And I have been craving fresh coconut. Well, all this makes complete sense if you put this in the context of ascension.

Ascension is just another word for energy shift. I hope you can understand that we are vibrating beings. The very essence of our anatomy, the atoms and the cells, are vibrational. And we each vibrate at a different frequency. The more positive you are, the higher your vibration. The more negative, worried, anxious, fearful, the lower your density. So the ascension process, really, is shifting upwards and that can only happen if you clear your negativity. That is usually an uncomfortable process. I know that for my part, that particular shift that has been happening since I did my green juice detox in January has been particularly intense and often enough, I have felt like retreating in my cave.

I know I am coming to the end of it and thank God for that. There will be more, probably, because it is always important to shift, clear, cleanse and purify our selves. The soul that resides in us is always divinely pure. It’s just the layers of wrapping that we have cumulated over the years in the forms of insecurities, negative beliefs, resentment, guilt, and other negative emotions shield the beauty of our own divine selves. And isn’t it wonderful to be able to shed those skins, or as I like to see it, peel those onion skins. What is to be discovered inside is just plainly wonderful and breath taking. This is what my angels show me when some of you come to me for healing. I am fortunate enough to have revealed to me the beauty of your own soul.

And we are all beautiful beings of light, whether we believe in the light or we don’t. It’s time to switch on that light full on and play with our shadows so that they don’t take such power over us.

Wishing you a wonderful day

Anges de Lumiere, Soul Awakener